he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
