This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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