It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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