i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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