i may or may not be watching the land before time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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