AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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