Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
