Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
