I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
