in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
