The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
