omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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