the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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