All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
