and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
