Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My ATM looks so different sober.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
