that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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