member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
