If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize