It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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