Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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