Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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