Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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