At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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