I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
