My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
