Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
