I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
