I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
