so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
