Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
