I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
