don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
