i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
