we made out on top of his cat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
