look no pants
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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