I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
time to smoke my breakfast
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
