i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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