Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
