I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
jump out the window naked night went bad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
