like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
