was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
