i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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