I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
