Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
