The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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