Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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