the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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