I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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