I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Found the puke drawer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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