the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
