After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't notice because vodka
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
