Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
