rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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