Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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