do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
