Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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