Small penises have feelings too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize