We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So. Much. Porn.
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