its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
