Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
