The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
