i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
