It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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