got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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