we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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