he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize