hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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