Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
